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Considering Grief

When I was a kid, I didn't love that my parents were divorced, but I loved that I had a TON of grandparents. Two sets of my grandparents were divorced and remarried, so I had 5 grandmothers and 3 grandfathers. As a kid, that meant so many Christmas presents and birthday presents and knowing that I was the favorite of one of my grandpas and one of my grandmas (not the same set).

On this day 13 years ago, I got a call that I had been dreading for as long as I can remember. I was sitting in my favorite rocking chair, watching the Superbowl with my kids and my now ex-husband, and my biological father called to let me know that my favorite grandpa- the man who was the glue that held us together, had passed away. He asked if I was okay and I said yes, knowing that I would never be completely okay again. My heart shattered that day, and it was only the beginning. That was also the last vaguely pleasant conversation I had with my biological father.

No one really warns you that one day your grandparents will be gone. They don't warn you that you will have your last hug from them, your last conversations, the last time you smell their perfume or cologne, or the last time you hear one of their jokes. We don't talk about the last time we can ask advice, call and just talk to them. We talk about the lasts that we experience with our kids, but not our grandparents.

February is always a little harder because it's usually dreary and gray and cold, but it also contains two anniversaries of people passing, and to be honest, they are the two that hit me the hardest. Today is gray and dreary here, but not too cold thankfully. I have my brightly colored bracelets that I borrowed from my daughter to lighten things up a little and I'm going to hold on to this verse today: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven... a time weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance." (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, ESV).

Today, I'm going to be a little gentle with myself and remember how much I loved my grandpa, how ornery he was, how ridiculous his jokes were, how much he loved my kids and me, and how my daughter would have replaced me as his favorite granddaughter the moment she was born if he had gotten to meet her. He was passionate about the state of our nation, he bent over backwards to make sure he got to have a relationship with me, despite me not having a relationship with his son (my father). He was there for the important moments of my life, and I know that if he had gotten to meet T, they would drive me crazy with their political conversations and the teasing they both enjoy.

Consider This: If you are in the midst of grief, as so many people are, I hope that you will be gentle with yourself, that you will find a Bible verse to comfort you, and if you need it, that you find a person who can walk with you or sit with you as you move through it.
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