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  • keldridge430

What did I agree to?

I started writing this post about a month ago, with the intention of turning it into a series, but I don't think I had exactly the right words for it. I've been reading more, writing more, praying more- or trying to, and I'm still not sure I have exactly the right words, but maybe I'm closer.

I've been reading this book that talks about how God delights in us, He's thrilled by us, and mostly He just loves us. (Mostly What God Does by Savannah Guthrie. I highly recommend it.) If mostly what God does is love me, then why do I spend so much time thinking so little of myself? I'm not meaning that I should be arrogant and conceited, but I mean that along the weird, twisted paths of my life, I have made agreements with false beliefs and identities that have stated that my worth is negligible, my skills are nonexistent, and my body and looks will never measure up to the standards of society. I am usually horrified by the standards of society, so I couldn't begin to tell you why it would matter, but for whatever reason, it does. I am usually a huge cheerleader for other people, so when they are saying unkind things to themselves, I disagree strongly and point out all the great qualities about them and why they should be proud and love themselves.

At some point, I accepted the belief that I am unworthy of love from T and my kids to the point that I feel I have to earn their love by being the perfect mom and partner. I don't believe that I deserve success in my work life, unworthy of having close friends, unworthy of living a healthy lifestyle, even though I know I feel best when I eat healthy and I'm moving my body, but beyond all of that, I have done so many things wrong, that I couldn't possibly deserve God's love. I fully believe God is completely capable of full restoration and redemption for each and every person, but I don't know that I deserve it.

The idea of God delighting in me and loving me has been totally baffling to me for the last week. We started going to a new Bible study about Psalm 23 and the commentary put an emphasis on "The Lord is my shepherd." He is my personal shepherd, protector and guardian. The part that I don't understand is why?

How do we break free from past identities, false identities, and beliefs that don't line up with what God has to say about us? I'm not entirely sure. This is a task that could and possibly should be ongoing for us. It's not going to be an easy walk, but I think it would be worth it.

Consider This: What agreements have you made with false identities, past identities, or beliefs that don't fit where you are in life any longer? I think my first step is to fully identify each of these agreements.

** I don't deserve God's grace and love, but He has given it to me because He loves me and has called me worthy and free. I can't ever earn enough to deserve God's love, or even the love of my family and friends.

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